Cinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.comCinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.com/media/feedlogo.gifCinematicalhttp://www.cinematical.comen-usCopyright 2009 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only.Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/The Last Word(s) on 'Twilight' Belong to Kevin Smithhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/20/twilight-kevin-smith-new-moon-comic-con/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/20/twilight-kevin-smith-new-moon-comic-con/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/11/20/twilight-kevin-smith-new-moon-comic-con/#commentsFiled under: , ,



You've read all the reviews and interviews, and watched all the spoof videos. Most of you reading this have probably already watched the film, too. Today, as The Twilight Saga: New Moon finally reaches theaters, it sorta feels like the day after Christmas -- all this hype, work and constant coverage building up to the release of just one film ... and then it's over. Now the "real" fans will begin their endless geeked-out debates on their own fansites, and the rest of us will talk about the film's boffo box office while preparing for three weeks worth of nonstop promo for JAMES F*CKING CAMERON'S AVATAR! ROAR!

So while you drink the last of your blood energy drink, and begin breaking down the Bella and Edward Nativity Scene that's currently on your front lawn, why not let our good buddy Kevin Smith have the last word on all things Twilight. During his panel at this past San Diego Comic-Con, Smith went off for about four minutes on the Twilight Phenomenon, and took us through the experience of watching a clip from New Moon while thousands of young girls screamed their silly little heads off. It's a very amusing clip (that's homemade, so excuse the jerky camera movements), and if it's the last thing you watch before folks begin ramping up their Eclipse coverage, you'll find yourself a happier and more well-adjusted human being because of it.

Watch the clip after the jump, though be warned that it comes with plenty of foul language.

Continue reading The Last Word(s) on 'Twilight' Belong to Kevin Smith

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>cinematicalcomic conComicConeclipsekevin smithKevinSmiththe twilight saga: eclipsethe twilight saga: new moonTheTwilightSaga:EclipseTheTwilightSaga:NewMoontwilightErik DavisFri, 20 Nov 2009 14:15:00 ESTCinevegas 2010 Cancelled - Who Else is Hurting?http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/27/cinevegas-2010-cancelled-who-else-is-hurting/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/27/cinevegas-2010-cancelled-who-else-is-hurting/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/27/cinevegas-2010-cancelled-who-else-is-hurting/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,

You couldn't turn a corner in Telluride this year without hearing a festival manager or volunteer gushing thanks to the festival's many sponsors for continuing to support Telluride despite, to quote Charlie Kaufman, today's wintry economic climate. Telluride, a posh film industry mainstay, appeared to weather the storm: the $680 "Festival Passes" -- the most common, middle-of-the-road choice for Telluride pass-holders (passes run from around $300 to over $3000) -- didn't sell out for the first time in recent memory, but the festival was well-attended, the movies plentiful, and apart from the speech-making, the only sign of trouble was that Omaha Steaks provided flatiron instead of sirloin for the event's annual Labor Day picnic.

Some of the less entrenched film events apparently are not so lucky. The increasingly popular CineVegas, for example, recently announced a hiatus for 2010, so that regular attendees -- of whom Cinematical is one (or more) -- had better make other plans for next June. Part of the problem, as The Hollywood Reporter notes, is that unlike Telluride and a great many other film festivals, CineVegas is not a non-profit, which makes sponsorships harder to come by.

Still, though CineVegas may have been minor compared to Toronto, Sundance, etc., it was certainly a major regional player. Several of the lower-profile events with which I'm familiar -- the San Francisco International Film Festival, the Mill Valley Film Festival, the Philadelphia Film Festival -- have gone ahead as planned this year. (The latter was affected by a feud among two major Philly film scene heavyweights, but that's neither here nor there.) The Hollywood Reporter article linked above notes a number of other events that have felt the pinch, though it only cites one other one -- the Jackson Hole Film Festival -- that was canceled entirely for budgetary reasons. How have festivals, repertory venues, and indie art houses fared in your neck of the woods?

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>cinevegasEugene NovikovSun, 27 Sep 2009 20:03:00 ESTHarlan Ellison Recites "I Will Not Read Your F***ing Script," But Will Not Read Your F****ing Scripthttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/15/harlan-ellison-recites-i-will-not-read-your-f-ing-script-bu/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/15/harlan-ellison-recites-i-will-not-read-your-f-ing-script-bu/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/15/harlan-ellison-recites-i-will-not-read-your-f-ing-script-bu/#commentsFiled under: , ,



Attention, wannabe writers: Josh Olson won't read your f***ing script. Last week in the Village Voice, the History of Violence screenwriter posted an open diatribe against amateur writers who seek the counsel of professional scribes with script/outline/treatment in hand, an expletive-filled rant that caught on like wildfire on the interwebs. This week Olson's manifesto got an added boost from his friend, the notoriously cantankerous writer Harlan Ellison, who recorded a dramatic reading of the essay after it was adapted into Dr. Seuss-speak by writer Steve Jarrett:

"I will not read your f***ing script
I will not read it in a car
I will not read it in a bar
I will not have it in my house
I will not click it with my mouse
I will not read it here or there
I will not read it anywhere
I'd rather be tied up and whipped
Than have to read your f***ing script" - Excerpted from Steve Jarrett's "I Will Not Read Your F***ing Script"

[Above center, Olson and Ellison (along with Elvis Mitchell) at SXSW 2008. Photo by Jette Kernion.]

Continue reading Harlan Ellison Recites "I Will Not Read Your F***ing Script," But Will Not Read Your F****ing Script

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>Jen YamatoTue, 15 Sep 2009 16:20:00 ESTThe Inevitable 'Twilight' Pornshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/10/the-inevitable-twilight-porns/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/10/the-inevitable-twilight-porns/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/09/10/the-inevitable-twilight-porns/#commentsFiled under: , ,

Yes, we all knew it would come to this (har har). In the darkest recesses of the Internet, people have been writing slash-fiction for years -- fantasies of what fans wished would happen between Sam and Frodo, Willow and Tara, and yes, even Kirk and Spock. A quick search for slash fic will give you more info on the hobby than you probably ever needed or wanted to know.

Of course, the adult industry picked up on this trend, offering up plenty of XXX take-offs of franchises like Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Trek, and the tongue-in-cheek horror-porn take on Re-Animator, cheekily called Re-Penetrator. Local NYC "cinema of transgression" filmmaker Nick Zedd even made a film that took its name from Lord of the Rings, in a play on words that I'm sure you can decipher or Google for your edification. Let's not even discuss the adult parody of Edward Scissorhands.

So now there's not only a sparkly Twilight sex toy, but two Twilight naughty knock-offs. First there was Twilight of Virginity (shot in the home of Nikki Sixx!), and now there's a new one called This Isn't Twilight: The XXX Parody coming your way October 15th, just over a month before Twilight: New Moon is unleashed on audiences.

The real question is, who are these marketed to? Even the grown-ups who enjoy the Twilight franchise say that the fun is because of the way it portrays high school crushes -- yearning, unconsummated, and most certainly virginal, especially in the case of this sex-phobic book series. And Twilight fans, don't spoil the plot for the rest of us if they do get it on. OK?

Someone check these out and report back. I want to know if the term "spider monkey" is used in any context. Thanks!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>adult entertainmentAdultEntertainmentEdward CullenEdwardCullenfeaturedKristen StewartKristenStewartparodiestwilighttwilight: new moonTwilight:NewMoonJenni MillerThu, 10 Sep 2009 13:02:00 ESTRed-Band Trailer For 'Legion' Might Scare You Back to Churchhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/08/13/red-band-trailer-for-legion-might-scare-you-back-to-church/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/08/13/red-band-trailer-for-legion-might-scare-you-back-to-church/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/08/13/red-band-trailer-for-legion-might-scare-you-back-to-church/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , , , ,



The enormous casting call of Legion was one of the earliest stories I penned on Cinematical, a fact I recalled in a blinding flashback when I encountered Paul Bettany's naked abs in a San Diego elevator. From ComicCon on, the film seems to have been attracting a curious buzz, probably helped greatly by Bettany's wing-framed body. Come on, it's pretty darn nice.

A very long, very red-band trailer for Legion has appeared on MySpace and now we can get an eyeful of what the lucky Hall H attendees saw at ComicCon. It's strange, horrifying, violent, and weirdly funny. There's a dash of Preacher, Dogma, and The Prophecy about this clip and I'm honestly surprised it isn't based on an edgy comic book of some kind because it has that mash-up of camp and blasphemy that you generally only find in a book published by Vertigo or Dark Horse. I'm very curious about this one. It looks like it could be awful, and yet I have to admire any film that features a lanky Englishman kicking ass, Dennis Quaid doing anything, Kevin Durand doing his usual scary thing, and people willing to crack jokes in the face of angelic invasion. Plus, it's my humble opinion that storylines featuring scared teenagers who may be pregnant with a Messiah just never get old.

Hop below for the trailer. No lying about your age now, you whippersnappers. Remember, your guardian angel is watching.

Continue reading Red-Band Trailer For 'Legion' Might Scare You Back to Church

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>dennis quaidDennisQuaidkevin durandKevinDurandLegionpaul bettanyPaulBettanyscott stewartScottStewartScreenGemsSonyElisabeth RappeThu, 13 Aug 2009 13:15:00 ESTScenes We Love: Boiler Roomhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/scenes-we-love-boiler-room/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/scenes-we-love-boiler-room/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/scenes-we-love-boiler-room/#commentsFiled under: , , ,



Unlike some people, I've always been a fan of Ben Affleck. Sure he went through his own Pitt-Jolie phase back when he was dating JLo, and because of that a lot of people began to despise Affleck, but I hung in there and admired the choices he's made later on in his career, not to mention really enjoyed his directorial debut, Gone Baby Gone. For me, though, Affleck has always been at his best when he plays villain or wise ass or bully. One of my favorite roles of his is when he played O'Bannion in Dazed and Confused, and he's also fantastic in a brief supporting appearance in Boiler Room.

In Boiler Room -- which follows a young college dropout (Giovanni Ribisi in one of his best roles) up through the ranks of a Chop Shop out on Long Island -- Affleck plays Jim Young, the firm's trainer of new recruits. He's the guy they bring in to give all these newbies a taste of success, of money, of power -- and in this classic scene, he works the room like a stripper at a bachelor party, teasing these kids with visions of being millionaires within three years from their first day on the job. Of course we soon learn the job is a lot less glamorous than Young makes it out to be, but that's why he's so good at what he does: he knows how to turn nothing into a whole bunch of something. Boiler Room is currently making the rounds on cable; it's a pretty solid movie with some great, seedy performances. Definitely check it out.

Watch the NSFW clip after the jump

Continue reading Scenes We Love: Boiler Room

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>ben affleckBenAffleckboiler roomBoilerRoomcinematicaldazed and confusedDazedAndConfusedErik DavisThu, 09 Jul 2009 15:02:00 ESTExclusive: Eli Roth Talks 'Thanksgiving'http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/exclusive-eli-roth-talks-thanksgiving/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/exclusive-eli-roth-talks-thanksgiving/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/07/09/exclusive-eli-roth-talks-thanksgiving/#commentsFiled under: ,


During an exclusive telephone interview to promote his role as Pvt. Donny Donowitz in Quentin Tarantino's WWII epic Inglourious Basterds, Eli Roth told Cinematical that Thanksgiving is not the next film he's set to direct, but it's definitely going to get made. "That movie, the financing, the money is in a bank account," Roth said. "I mean, I could literally say I'm starting production tomorrow and we'd start. It's 100 percent up to me, but I'm just working on the script with Jeff Rendell, the co-writer. Jeff's the one who in the trailer, he plays the Pilgrim, and we're just writing it. We're just figuring it out and we're just coming up with the kills and the characters."

Thanksgiving was initially created as a fake movie trailer that connected the two theatrical halves of Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez' Grindhouse, but its own popularity inspired the director to blow it up from a 16mm short into a feature film. Roth actually indicated that Endangered Species, a PG-13 sci-fi film in the vein of Cloverfield, was to be his next directorial effort. "I want to be finished with Endangered, and then Jeff is supposed to come out to Los Angeles probably some time in August and we'll probably bang out the script," he explained, indicating that the disparate content of the two films may ultimately complement his enthusiasm creatively.

Read the rest (and see the infamous trailer) at HorrorSquad!

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>eli rothEliRothfeaturedgrindhouseinglourious basterdsInglouriousBasterdsquentin tarantinoQuentinTarantinothanksgivingTodd GilchristThu, 09 Jul 2009 13:32:00 ESTCheck Out Some Red-Banded Fun From 'The Ugly Truth'http://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/27/check-out-some-red-banded-fun-from-the-ugly-truth/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/27/check-out-some-red-banded-fun-from-the-ugly-truth/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/27/check-out-some-red-banded-fun-from-the-ugly-truth/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , ,




First off, I should be fair and post a classy publicity still that's fair to Katherine Heigl, but I feel the girls need something to balance out this week's Megan Fox overload. So, here's a solo Gerard Butler. Pretend he's holding that heart out while saying "I could never love Optimus Prime or Megan Fox as much as I love you." (Not that I'm implying Transformers is just for the boys. I'd never do that. If you like, you can reverse it to have him begging for you to love him more than Shia LaBeouf and Optimus.)

If you want to hold onto that lovey-dovey image, you might not want to watch this Red-Band clip from The Ugly Truth. But if you're feeling in the mood for some raunchy, naughty talk from Butler (be sure to listen for a slip of that Scottish accent), then go right ahead and click. In this very NSFW clip, Butler's boorish Mike offers Heigl's highstrung Abby some helpful tips on how to really attract and please a man. Surprise! It's all cosmetic, ranging from short skirts to push up bras, and just what she can do with her ponytail. Could all this R-rated dialogue mean The Ugly Truth is destined to be July's Hangover? Or will the romance drive away the ones looking for raunch?

As I wait for your comments (please come back to post one after you watch the clip) I'm off to go hate on myself because I fail all of The Ugly Truth rules. I live in jeans and a ponytail ... oh, who am I kidding. I've gone beyond Heigl's "comfort and efficiency" into fashion evocative of Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski. Butler will never love me. I might as well die.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>gerard butlerGerardButlerkatherine heiglKatherineHeiglred bandRed band ugly truthRedBandRedBandUglyTruthsonysony picturesSonyPicturesThe Ugly TruthTheUglyTruthElisabeth RappeSat, 27 Jun 2009 09:03:00 ESTWatch This: 'Reservoir Dogs' Tipping Scene with Muppetshttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/03/watch-this-reservoir-dogs-tipping-scene-with-muppets/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/03/watch-this-reservoir-dogs-tipping-scene-with-muppets/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/06/03/watch-this-reservoir-dogs-tipping-scene-with-muppets/#commentsFiled under: , ,



I've never seen this mash-up before, and when I came across it on Buzzfeed earlier today it absolutely blew my mind to see how well this scene from The Muppets Take Manhattan matched up with the tipping scene from Reservoir Dogs. It's like the two were made for each other! (Plus there's just something about Muppets and foul-mouthedness that just cracks me up. Double plus: I haven't listened to this scene in awhile, and I forgot how much I loved it.) I think Quentin Tarantino should move on from Inglourious Basterds and write and direct a small film like Reservoir Dogs, with limited sets and powerful performances. But that's me. Meanwhile, the Muppets will soon return to the big screen, with Jason Segel currently hard at work developing a new film. Yay! Perhaps he and Tarantino should collaborate on something that resembles this ...

(Warning: This is the tipping scene from Reservoir Dogs, and as such there's a lot of nasty language that definitely makes this clip NSFW. Watch at your own risk.)

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>cinematicalquentin tarantinoQuentinTarantinoreservoir dogsReservoirDogsthe muppets take manhattanTheMuppetsTakeManhattanErik DavisWed, 03 Jun 2009 13:15:00 ESTWatch This: Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifinakis (Guest: Bradley Cooper)http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/26/watch-this-between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifinakis-guest-brad/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/26/watch-this-between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifinakis-guest-brad/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/26/watch-this-between-two-ferns-with-zach-galifinakis-guest-brad/#commentsFiled under: , , ,



We here at Cinematical haven't missed an episode of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifinakis, and we're not about to now since the damn show keeps getting funnier and funnier with each absurd interview. Essentially, this Funny or Die original series stars Galifinakis (the fat, bearded dude in The Hangover) as the ridiculously jaded host of a show that interviews celebrities and asks really bizarre, insulting questions. Of course the celebs know it's not real, but even so this staged version is just as funny.

In the latest installment, Galifinakis interviews his Hangover co-star Bradley Cooper -- who's up for just about every major role you can think of these days, from Green Lantern to the live-action Fat Albert (kidding about that last one, though you never know). The Hangover is definitely shaping up be this summer's most memorable R-rated raunch-fest; in their review of the film, Variety called it a "profanely funny comedy" that "satisfies as a boys-gone-wild laff riot that also clicks as a seriocomic beat-the-clock detective story." Needless to say, the comedy geek in me is itching to see this one. We'll have our full review and interview with director Todd Phillips real soon. In the meantime, check out the NSFW video below ...

Warning: The following includes foul language and is NSFW

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>between two fernsBetweenTwoFernsbradley cooperBradleyCoopercinematicalthe hangoverTheHangovertodd phillipsToddPhillipszach galifinakisZachGalifinakisErik DavisTue, 26 May 2009 16:15:00 ESTCannes Exclusive: 'ONEDREAMRUSH ' Trailerhttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/18/cannes-exclusive-onedreamrush-trailer/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/18/cannes-exclusive-onedreamrush-trailer/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/05/18/cannes-exclusive-onedreamrush-trailer/#commentsFiled under: , ,



We've posted tons of exclusive clips, trailers, images and posters in the past, but this one has to take the cake as one of the strangest, most bizarre pieces of eeriness to ever grace the main page of Cinematical. And that's totally not a bad thing, because the project -- titled ONEDREAMRUSH -- is a very cool-sounding collaborative effort between filmmakers, writers, actors and actresses that was created by the New Zealand Vodka brand 42BELOW and, as such, is the first implicitly branded content ever admitted to the Cannes Film Festival.

Essentially, a bunch of world-renowned artists were brought together to create 42 films, each 42 seconds long and all of them about the interpretation of dreams. Among those featured are Abel Ferrara, David Lynch, Asia Argento, James Franco, Kenneth Anger, Arden Wohl, Sean Lennon, Mike Figgis, Harmony Korine and so many more. Each director's film will be featured at this website for one year, and the complete work will begin a tour following Cannes that will take it through New York, London and Rome. Check out the trailer below, and please know that there is brief topless nudity and disturbing images, thus making it NSFW. Enjoy.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>42belowonedreamrushErik DavisMon, 18 May 2009 18:45:00 ESTNew 'Transformers 2' Trailer Leaks Onlinehttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/29/new-transformers-2-trailer-leaks-online/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/29/new-transformers-2-trailer-leaks-online/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/29/new-transformers-2-trailer-leaks-online/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , ,



Those who simply cannot wait until tomorrow to see the brand new Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen trailer can check out a leaked YouTube version, courtesy of some dude with a camera inside a theater. It's not the best quality -- and action scenes are fuzzy as all hell -- but we do get a nice taste of what appears to be a pretty intense story involving Shia LaBeouf's character going bat-shit in school and Megan Fox bending over motorcycles. Oh, and thankfully John Turturro once again shows up in comic relief as a bumbling secret government agent who, from the looks of it, will give Jar Jar Binks a run for his money in the Who The Hell Came Up With This Guy Department.

Contrary to earlier claims, Megatron is alive and well in this trailer -- and he'll be joined by several other robots, including the ginormous Devestator (made up of several different construction vehicle robots) and an old man robot who walks with a cane (nah, I'm sure the kids will just love that one). All in all, Michael Bay obviously kicked things up a notch for the sequel, which appears a tad darker, hotter and holy crap that's a big f**king robot. Check out the leaked trailer below, and we'll update this post when the real trailer arrives online tomorrow.

What do you think?

UPDATE: The trailer has now been removed. Oh well. We'll hit it up again tomorrow .. until then, check this out (Warning: NSFW) ...



Gallery: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>transformers 2 trailertransformers revenge of the fallenTransformers2TrailerTransformersRevengeOfTheFallenErik DavisWed, 29 Apr 2009 11:02:00 ESTFirst Trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's 'Bruno'!http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/02/first-trailer-for-sacha-baron-cohens-bruno/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/02/first-trailer-for-sacha-baron-cohens-bruno/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/04/02/first-trailer-for-sacha-baron-cohens-bruno/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,



Prepare to divert your eyes, the first trailer for Sacha Baron Cohen's Bruno has debuted online ... and it's just nasty. How is it nasty? I think a better question would be how is it not nasty -- from the looks of it Baron Cohen has upped the ante considerably since taking on the Borat character back in 2006, and will use his Bruno character -- who he pretends is a gay Austrian fashion reporter -- to expose the rampant homophobia across the United States and, while he's at it, somehow manage to offend everyone else by falling, destroying, cursing and dressing up as your worst nightmare ... in heels.

The trailer itself -- which kicks off with a quote from Ain't It Cool News (take that Ben Lyons!) -- is pretty hilarious and very R-rated, so you'll need to enter in a proper birthdate and all that. Just how many lawsuits will come from this one, we do not know -- but I'm positive folks will be rolling in the aisles of their local movie theater come July 10. Remember, as of its first pass through the MPAA, Bruno was given an NC-17 -- but they'll probably shave some meat off and bring this sucker down to an R before it's all said and done.

You can watch the trailer over on MySpace, but be warned that this is definitely NSFW. (Oh, and check out the image that came with this new trailer in the gallery below.)

Gallery: Bruno

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>boratbrunobruno trailerBrunoTrailercinematicalsacha baron cohenSachaBaronCohenErik DavisThu, 02 Apr 2009 15:45:00 ESTRead the Best Movie That You're Never Going to Seehttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/30/read-the-best-movie-that-youre-never-going-to-see/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/30/read-the-best-movie-that-youre-never-going-to-see/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/30/read-the-best-movie-that-youre-never-going-to-see/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

This is what I know for sure: that two or more screenwriters got together and wrote a screenplay so ... touchy that their respective agencies refused to send out, and as such, they've made this hilariously irreverent project available on the interwebs for any and all to gawk at and gasp over.

As a matter of time and priorities, I rarely read or go looking for scripts, but with yesterday being a Sunday and all, I was blessed with an hour or two to spare and this entering my periphery. And guess what? I don't want to see this made into a movie. It simply wouldn't do. Hollywood is incapable of serving up huevos like this to people like us -- at best, they'll be undercooked.

Not to oversell it, but the careers nay, lives of all involved (audience included) would peak after it was made and seen. We don't deserve this. God doesn't deserve this. But there it is. Enjoy.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>balls outBallsOutthe robotard 8000TheRobotard8000William GossMon, 30 Mar 2009 15:03:00 ESTScenes We Hate: Kill Bill Vol. 2http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/03/scenes-we-hate-kill-bill-vol-2/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/03/scenes-we-hate-kill-bill-vol-2/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/03/03/scenes-we-hate-kill-bill-vol-2/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Erik Davis' puke-filled Scenes We Hate debut inspired my offering. I'm not a horror or gore connoisseur like my other co-editor, Scott Weinberg, but I can hold my own when it comes to blood and guts. There are a few exceptions ... and one of those is definitely anything to do with eyeballs.

When Elle Driver turned up in an eyepatch in Kill Bill Vol 1, I should have suspected we'd see some eye-oriented gore, but I was left unprepared and downright sick with what happened to her other eye. Actually, it was one of the only times I've heard an entire audience groan and retch along with me -- and it wasn't the plucking (although that was pretty bad), it was the squishing. Once was enough for me. I close my eyes every time she flings it down on the carpet.

Actually, I really do hate this entire fight scene -- it's depraved, disgusting, and unspeakably painful. Squirting limbs and gallons of blood are all well and good, but a can of tobacco spit and a visit to Budd's toliet bowl is just foul. Needless to say, this clip is not for the weak and it's definitely NSFW.


Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>daryl hannahDarylHannahkill billkill bill 2KillBillKillBill2Scenes We HateScenesWeHateuma thurmanUmaThurmanElisabeth RappeTue, 03 Mar 2009 21:03:00 ESTPorn Mockumentary 'The Auteur' Now Available Onlinehttp://www.cinematical.com/2009/01/27/porn-mockumentary-the-auteur-now-available-online/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/01/27/porn-mockumentary-the-auteur-now-available-online/http://www.cinematical.com/2009/01/27/porn-mockumentary-the-auteur-now-available-online/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

Last April I saw a film at the Tribeca Film Festival, enjoyed it, reviewed it, and then promptly forgot all about it. (Hey, I see lots of movies. Sorry!) So imagine my pleasant surprise when a friend pinged me and said "Hey, that porn mockumentary you liked is now up on Amazon's VOD site." The flick at hand is The Auteur, and it comes from the guys who brought you Film Geek a few years back. I was lukewarm on that film, but this one I like a lot more.

I'll include a trailer after the jump, but I should say it right now: Aside from the title, pretty much all of The Auteur is what the kids call "NSFW." It's an enthusiastically R-rated sex comedy, basically, that feels like the amusing spawn of Christopher Guest and Howard Stern. And if that sounds fun to you, then hooray for you: The flick is available for your viewing pleasure at this very minute. (At Amazon and / or iTunes.) And if the premise / trailer have piqued your interest, then here's the official site.

And for those who drop the duckets to see the flick online, definitely stop back and share your opinions on The Auteur.

Continue reading Porn Mockumentary 'The Auteur' Now Available Online

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>amazonitunesonlinethe auteurTheAuteurvodScott WeinbergTue, 27 Jan 2009 19:02:00 ESTCinematical Seven: Sex Addicts on the Silver Screenhttp://www.cinematical.com/2008/09/25/cinematical-seven-sex-addicts-on-the-silver-screen/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/09/25/cinematical-seven-sex-addicts-on-the-silver-screen/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/09/25/cinematical-seven-sex-addicts-on-the-silver-screen/#commentsFiled under: , , , , , , ,



"Well, you tried it just for once, found it all right for kicks.
But now you found out that it's a habit that sticks,
and you're an orgasm addict." - The Buzzcocks

The new movie Choke, adapted from the Chuck Palahniuk novel, is about a sex addict (Sam Rockwell) who, in one element of the plot, hooks up with other sex addicts who attend the same Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings as him. Ah, the irony. The same thing happened to Sam Malone on Cheers, if I'm not mistaken, which makes the joke around 20 years old. Yet, despite that fact, sexual addiction as a term and a (non-DSM-recognized) medical problem seem fairly new to cinema.

Sure, there have been sex addicts in films for many decades, but they were more likely to be described as nymphomaniacs, lechers or typical men. Think of Dorothy Malone in Written on the Wind, a number of the female characters created by Tennessee Williams and certainly the locked up nymphos in Shock Corridor. In the past few years, however, there have been a slew of actual "sexaholics," both male and female, though some aren't exactly referred to in such a manner.

Continue reading Cinematical Seven: Sex Addicts on the Silver Screen

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>40 days and 40 nights40DaysAnd40Nightsa dirty shameADirtyShameauto focusAutoFocusblack snake moanBlackSnakeMoanblades of gloryBladesOfGlorybob craneBobCraneburn after readingBurnAfterReadingcaveh zahediCavehZahedichokechristina ricciChristinaRiccidavid duchovnyDavidDuchovnygeorge clooneyGeorgeClooneygreg kinnearGregKinneari am a sex addictIAmASexAddictjohn watersJohnWatersjosh hartnettJoshHartnettnymphomaniacpleasantvillesex addicttionSexAddicttionshock corridorShockCorridortennessee williamsTennesseeWilliamswill ferrellWillFerrellwritten on the windWrittenOnTheWindChristopher CampbellThu, 25 Sep 2008 21:32:00 ESTMegan Fox's Topless Scene Cut from 'Jennifer's Body'?http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/11/megan-foxs-topless-scene-cut-from-jennifers-body/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/11/megan-foxs-topless-scene-cut-from-jennifers-body/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/11/megan-foxs-topless-scene-cut-from-jennifers-body/#commentsFiled under: , ,



I'll take the reigns of this post while my boss, Cinematical editor-in-chief Erik Davis, presumably weeps on the floor of his office. According to a reviewer over at JoBlo.com, the movie all Megan Fox fanboys have been anxiously waiting for (Davis may have already been paying someone to prematurely wait in line for tickets), is reportedly without its most anticipated scene. That's right, the horror comedy Jennifer's Body no longer has footage of the Transformers hottie sans top. Of course, as we saw from some very popularly leaked shots (still available at CelebNewsWire.com), Fox wasn't actually topless anyway -- she had on flesh-colored pasties.

The review at JoBlo (from a reader who attended a test screening) is, of course, far from dependable. Not because they aren't to be believed (they surely saw an early test screening of the movie), but because they likely didn't see a final cut, and we can all still hope that Fox's boobs make the officially released version. If it doesn't, though, will you still be interested? The reviewer gives the movie an extremely poor rating (3 out of 10 -- not good for Diablo Cody's Juno follow-up) and mentions that the only attraction for horny Fox fanboys is a gratuitous lesbian kiss, so we should maybe just forget about it?

Gallery: Megan Fox

Continue reading Megan Fox's Topless Scene Cut from 'Jennifer's Body'?

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>amanda seyfriedAmandaSeyfrieddiablo codyDiabloCodyjennifers bodyJennifersBodymegan foxmegan fox nakedmegan fox to make film nakedmegan fox toplessMeganFoxMeganFoxNakedMeganFoxToMakeFilmNakedMeganFoxToplessChristopher CampbellMon, 11 Aug 2008 16:02:00 ESTCloris Leachman Wants to Strap On Her Oscar with John Stamoshttp://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/07/cloris-leachman-wants-to-strap-on-her-oscar-with-john-stamos/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/07/cloris-leachman-wants-to-strap-on-her-oscar-with-john-stamos/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/07/cloris-leachman-wants-to-strap-on-her-oscar-with-john-stamos/#commentsFiled under: , , ,

First we had Sarah Silverman singing about f*cking Matt Damon, then Jimmy Kimmel had his turn with Damon's BFF, Ben Affleck. Now we have something even better: octogenarian actress and Academy Award-winner Cloris Leachman (who still looks damn good, thank you very much) getting all raunchy at a Comedy Central roast for Bob "Full House" Saget, threatening to get it on with "pretty boy" John Stamos on a "filthy bean bag chair" while using her Best Supporting Actress Oscar as a strap-on. There's a mental picture that'll take weeks to get out of your brain cells.

Maybe it's just the hilarity of seeing the stately Leachman talking about going after Stamos -- or perhaps even Jon Lovitz -- and then segueing seamlessly into a bit about performing a "reach-around" on Jack Benny that makes this so funny. I can't imagine it would have the same impact being said by, say, Tilda Swinton or Cate Blanchett. Anyhow, Leachman was way funnier than all the lame jokes about Saget having sex with the Olsen twins. She's still got it -- now, if only Tarantino would cast her in something as an ass-kicking, foul-mouthed granny ...

Thanks to Chris Campbell for blogging about this over on Spout yesterday.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bob saget roastcloris leachmanClorisLeachmanjohn stamosJohnStamosjon lovitizolsen twinsoscarsKim VoynarThu, 07 Aug 2008 08:02:00 ESTUpdate: Kevin Smith Wins His 'R' Rating for 'Zack and Miri'http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/05/kevin-smith-wins-his-r-rating-for-zack-and-miri/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/05/kevin-smith-wins-his-r-rating-for-zack-and-miri/http://www.cinematical.com/2008/08/05/kevin-smith-wins-his-r-rating-for-zack-and-miri/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,

The most we can hope for now is the unrated director's cut of Kevin Smith's Zack and Miri Make a Porno, because the filmmaker has won his appeal with the MPAA and received an R rating, according to the Associated Press. It's been a long road for Smith's movie, which was unsurprisingly smacked with an NC-17 last month -- as if we didn't see it coming due to Smith's track record and the fact that it's a movie about a couple who, yes, that's right, make a porno. Oh, and of course there was that raunchy trailer, which gave us some semblance of the material the movie is dealing with (coprophilia jokes are likely always deemed adults-only content, at least in the initial ratings board screening).

So much for the MPAA and National Association of Theatre Owners' plans to remove the stigma attached to the NC-17. If ever there was a popular filmmaker to usher in a new wave of non-porn adults-only fare, Smith would be that person. And considering that Zack and Miri is about porn, it would be an appropriate gateway for the rating. Last week, when Smith spoke to AICN about the appeal, he seemed fine with the need for an R rating, stating that it's just "part of the process." Of course it is. The process consists of toning down a film to ensure an R and then releasing the original raunchier version on DVD in order for Hollywood to get the most buck for its bang.

Update: When Cinematical reached Smith for a quote, he had this to say on the decision: "I'm very happy with the result of the appeals process. Sadly, however, it doesn't cure my biggest headache: I'm still grossly overweight."

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>dan glickmanDanGlickmanelizabeth banksElizabethBankskevin smithKevinSmithmpaanational association of theatre ownersNationalAssociationOfTheatreOwnersnc-17raitings appealraitings boardRaitingsAppealRaitingsBoardseth rogenSethRogenzack and miri make a pornoZackAndMiriMakeAPornoChristopher CampbellTue, 05 Aug 2008 19:02:00 EST